OKAY. HERE’S THE DEAL.
Something has GOT to change.
About a year after becoming a mom for the first time, I found myself lost, overwhelmed, completely exhausted, constantly comparing myself to others, depressed, full of anxiety and to be honest, worried that I had made a huge mistake.
Judging by the moms I saw at Target and the photos I saw online everyone had figured out how to be a happy, healthy parent.
They didn’t doubt themselves, they didn’t yell, their marriages weren’t struggling, they found time to exercise and work and volunteer at the school and didn’t seem to need to sleep.
WHAT WAS I DOING WRONG?
For lack of an explanation, I decided that it was me.
Something was wrong with ME.
When I started yelling more, crying in the closet more, losing my appetite and found myself separated from the man I love more than anyone in the world, I knew I had to do something fast.
For me the isolation of parenthood is hard, but it’s also the guilt, the monotony, the anxiety, the constant messes, constant food requests, constant fighting. The shoulds and expectations are exhausting and overwhelming. There is anger and resentment. Feelings of being trapped. So many competing demands. The relentless pressure. Feeling like I’m not enough. And fear. So much fear.
The idea of wanting to address and deal with the toxic messages around parenting came to me before the words “take note” did.
When I started confronting my own journey around motherhood, I learned about my own post partum depression, generalized depression and anxiety, my out of whack expectations for myself and my inability to give myself permission to do things differently. I started healing by looking closely at all the pain I was feeling, what it involved, and just coming to terms with all the shame and lack of self-confidence I was feeling.
Through years and years of intense counseling I learned that most of what was driving my unrealistic expectations were the messages and the noise around me.
The noise from well-meaning friends and relatives. The noise from Facebook and Instagram. The noise from diaper boxes and magazines, noise from things that I didn’t even realize were getting in my head.
It became painfully clear to me that we as a society aren’t having enough productive conversations about the realities of modern parenting.
When I realized this I wanted to stop every parent in the store and show them all the photos of happy families on breast pump boxes and say “take note!” It’s this. Part of why you might be feeling “less than” is this.
I wish somebody would have said that to me.
I wish I hadn’t gone through my early years as a mom thinking I was the only parent in the world struggling with feelings of resentment and doubt and anger.
If there was somebody who would have said “listen, I don’t know exactly what’s going on with your kids or your family, but this thing happened to me, and if you’re experiencing it, you’re not alone.“
We have to do this work together.
We have to talk.
You and me.
Think of a time you felt like you were failing as a parent.
What would you have wanted to hear?
Grab a pen and write that down.
Put the note in an envelope, or just fold it in half.
Place the note somewhere that a parent is likely to find it.
Maybe the grocery store, a baby store, inside the gym …
Be on the look-out for one of these notes.
If you spot one, grab it! It’s yours!
Post a photo of your note. Include #takenote.
Who knows, you might find the person that wrote it.
[title align=”center”]If you don’t know what to write, don’t worry. I’ve made three notes for you that you can print for free. No sign-up required.[/title]
(click on any note below to download it)
I wish people would open up more with the way they feel about having children and the impact and changes they can have on you.
I needed someone to tell me I wasn’t f*&king everything up.
I needed someone to give me permission to do things differently.
I needed someone to give me grace.
That person definitely wasn’t going to be me.
And it wasn’t going to be anyone else because as far as everyone else knew I was doing fine.
I believe you and I both have the power to bring encouragement and confidence to each other.
(and if nothing else, puppies.)
[title type=”modern-h2″ align=”center”]SEE THE NOTES IN ACTION[/title]
