Sarah here. You’ll find our regular blog post below, but first, we need to ask you a favor.
We’re really close to wrapping up our long-awaited audio stories. We will be releasing them this month, but before we do, we have to ask you a couple of questions. Can you help us out?
We need 100 people to complete this parenting survey. It’s anonymous and will take a few minutes. When you’re done, if you leave a comment on this post, you’ll be entered to win a copy of The Book With No Pictures featured in our last post. (Winner will be chosen randomly at the close of the survey).
Thanks, friends! Now on with the show…
*Note – this survey is still open but the contest is closed.
Patrick South is our winner – hope you and your family enjoy the book Patrick!
It’s hard to know what you can and cannot get away with as a parent, especially as a new parent.
I am constantly testing the limits and the expectations and the boundaries, and I’m usually quite pleased with what I learn.
For example:
1) You do not have to give party favors away at your child’s birthday party.
The boys 4th birthday party was Sat. the 25th at 5:00pm.
At 2:00pm that Saturday Chris and I were doing some dishes and he asked me, “What are we giving for party favors at the boys party?”
“Nothing,” I answered.
“Nothing?!” he responded.
“Nothing.”
It must have been a shocking break from tradition if my husband (the guy who helped prepare for the boys birthday party by nodding repeatedly and taking out the trash once) stood shocked and confused when I told him no party favors.
(Disclaimer: my husband helps out enormously in other aspects of our life – party planning just isn’t one of them. I’m learning to be okay with that.)
“I think they give the kids a balloon or a cup or something,” I chanced.
But really, I didn’t care if the gym gave them anything or not.
Why? Because I think we all feel like we already have enough stuff.
I would LOVE to come home from a child’s birthday party empty-handed.
Here are just some of the gifts you’re giving parents when you don’t distribute party favors:
a. No whining about eating the candy
b. No plastic Chinese toys to find in your purse 2 weeks from now
c. No tears over broken toys that weren’t built to last more than 30 sec.
d. No expectation that every time you go to a party you’re going to get something in return.
I didn’t hear any complaints from parents or kids.
If you try this and everyone is outraged, you can blame me.
2) You don’t have to play movies in the car.
Talking, reading books, being bored, looking out the window, audio stories, I Spy, making up new games…all great options.
Just yesterday Mr. B made up a game that involved smelling things and then randomly picking who smelled the best thing.
I’m still struggling to understand the rules but I know I won at least once, and that was with “Vanilla Chocolate Cupcake smell.”
3) You don’t have to keep up with anyone else. Ever.
Might it be cool if your kids had the organic, hand-spun, super durable kids tepee for $200 from Etsy? Sure. Could you get a lot of ooohs and ahhs if you completed even 3 of the pins from one of your Pinterest boards? Maybe.
But you know what’s even cooler and even more awe-inspiring? Staying authentic and keeping things meaningful for you and your family.
If you don’t have the kind of money or time or desire to do something, then don’t do it.
No family is obligated to do things the same way as any other family.
I’m not going to lie and say that this is always easy. I’ve been there. You love your kids and family and want the best for them. You want each kid to have a rocking scrapbook or for your family to have professional photos done each year.
When you start making choices different from those around you, you might feel fear or anxiety.
But I invite you to remember that your kids want your love and attention more than anything else you could ever dream of giving them.
Allow the simplicity of that idea to wash over you.
When Chris and I started making choices based on what things are worth to us and not others, we were quickly able to cultivate friends we felt more supported and encouraged by, and those are the people that inspire and motivate us on a daily basis.
So now it’s your turn, what are some things you feel you feel you don’t have to do as a parent? Let us know in the comments below!
Great blog Sarah. I want that book. :)
Thanks Christie! We’re announcing the winner on Wednesday!
With the holidays around the corner and gift giving, I don’t want people to give gifts because they feel they have to, but more importantly you don’t have to give something more than what is on the list because it doesn’t seem fair to not give fun stuff. Ex. We don’t need more toys right now, so on my son’s list is clothes and a few art supplies. My folks find it is boring to give just books and clothes. They want to give him something fun, but also don’t want to give him something just give if he doesn’t really need it (it makes me slightly confused). I hope this makes sense. On a side note, I would love a copy of the book!
Liz, thank you for sharing your experiences! I feel like many families go through exactly what you describe, especially during the holidays.
I just completed your survey and would LOVE to win the book! Thanks for the opportunity!
Carol, thank you for your support!
I want that book
Wow… I wrote a long comment, but all that posted was “I want that book” LOL
I love #3.. it is so true.
Mine would be… You don’t have to apologize for “bad” behavior that friends or families have taught your kids.
One of my family members always makes it a point to give my son something every time they see him… every time. (they keep stuff in their car just in case) Recently we went to see that family member, and the first thing my son said to them was “what did you get for me?” They were upset at hearing this and said “how about a hug…?” He hugged them, and then asked them again “But what did you get me?” I do not blame my son at all for this behavior. He does not treat anyone else in this manner, just this particular family member. The way I see it, they have shown him that the way they give him affection is primarily by giving him things. Him saying “what did you get me?” to them, is no different than him asking me for a hug, or to snuggle (which he does often) when we haven’t seen each other in a while. He knows that they enjoy giving him the gift just as much as he enjoys getting it.
Kids are quick learners. I especially like how you observed that your son picked up that this family member enjoyed giving the gift as much as he enjoyed getting it. Reminds me that Mr. B was upset with me last night that it was time to leave the playground. After tears and outrage didn’t change the situation, he went for a Hail Mary pass:
“I don’t like your audio stories, Daddy!”
He flung that one at me to hurt me back as much as I was apparently hurting him by making him leave the playground.
What it showed me was how much he ‘gets it’ that it means a lot to me that he and his brothers listen to and enjoy the audio stories.
I’ve never told him how much it means to me. But he never would have said that to wound me if he didn’t know what it meant to me.
Fortunately I saw through it as soon as the words were out of his mouth (really? what does that have to do with leaving this playground right now?), but under other circumstances that might have stung.
It just goes to support your point; kids are perceptive! They can intuitively analyze in ways that even they don’t understand.