My sister April called me this past weekend to ask me a 1st Birthday party etiquette question.
It got me reminiscing about Mr. B and Mr. C (our boys) 1st birthday party.
I was really proud of how simple we kept it, and how meaningful it felt.
Simple and meaningful are two words that, when infused into most any situation, will almost always yield positive results.
It’s hard in these days of Pinterest and Facebook and blogs to keep things simple and meaningful.
So, if you’re planning a 1st (or even 2nd or 3rd birthday party) here’s some tips and tricks on how to buck the status quo, and have a memorable party, without any added stress.
1. Maintain Perspective
Here’s your primary goal for your child’s 1st birthday party – the child makes it to their 1st birthday party.
How’s that for setting the bar low?
But let’s think about this from a meaningful point of view.
You GAVE BIRTH. You and your tribe kept a human being alive for a year. This human being knows nothing about this d
ay except what he or she will see in photos many years down the road.
What do you remember about your 1st birthday party?
I’m going to guess you only “remember” what you’ve seen in photos. And there were probably two photos of that event, maybe a handful more. A shaky video if your parents were really into the latest technology.
Have you ever once judged your parents for what they did or didn’t do for your 1st birthday party?
Do you remember the people that were there?
And if they weren’t there, do you or your parents remember their excuse for not being there? Do you care?
What your children will care about when they are older is the love and education you provided them with in that 1st year.
That you changed their diapers. That you bathed them. That you let them fall asleep on your chest and that you fed them what they needed to be fed.
2. Comparison is the Thief of Joy
Who are the monogrammed cupcakes and DIY pinatas for? Your baby certainly doesn’t know what those are.
Who knows what they are? – The adult attendants of the party know what those are.
And they know that perfectly sculpted turtle toppers made from green food colored marshmallows means you must love your child a lot. And be super creative. And have time to “do it all.”
But if we’re being authentic, and honest with ourselves, what it really means is:
Hostess: “I’m exhausted. I hope everyone notices my handcrafted Elmo’s made from Twizzlers and thinks that I’m so creative and fantastic because if not I just wasted 9 hours of my life and will feel like I’m not a good mom.”
Guest mom: “I’m so exhausted. I hope no one notices those hand-crafted Elmo’s made from Twizzlers over there and thinks that the hostess is creative and fantastic because if they do I’m going to have to waste 13 hours of my life handcrafting gumdrop caterpillar cake pops or no one will think I’m a good mom.”
And on, and on it goes, until what? Until we have bounce houses for two year olds who can barely jump? Check.
Until we have catered one year old parties? Check.
I’m not going to give the disclaimer you want me to give right now “yeah, but some people really like to craft.” Because you will hang on to that as your excuse as long as you can.
If you like to craft, craft something for under-privileged children in a homeless shelter and celebrate their birthdays as a group monthly.
Craft some pillows and art for a battered woman’s shelter.
Craft for people who will appreciate it, view it with the wonder and the admiration it deserves.
Don’t waste it on 1 and 2 year old’s birthday parties.
So if not that, then what? Well how about this:
Go into your child’s (or children’s) nursery, and take decor from their room to use as decorations.
I pulled the hanging poms from my boys ceiling and put them to use in the dining room behind the food table.
I used leftover fabric to make a small banner with their names to go across their cake (not as simple, but meaningful). I took a pendant banner down from the wall in their room and strung it across the dining room.
I also used some of their baby clothes, shoes, stuffed animals, etc. to decorate around the house.
The “theme” of the first year party is the nursery. Done.
3. Keep Gifts Simple
Next up, presents.
Again, take advantage that they have no idea what is going on, and buy them bigger bottles, or sippy cups if they need them. More bibs. Clothes.
Sure, buy one toy. But keep it to just one.
Let friends and family spoil your children. That’s what they love to do anyway. And you’re never going to be able to convince Aunt Candy to buy the boys things they need, so why not just let them work in their strengths and buy them blocks and toy guitars and things that light up and make noise?
4. Home is Where the Party Is
The party is at home. Wherever that may be. Your apartment, condo, single family home, duplex.
It’s going to be okay, because you aren’t going to go overboard, and you’re working on authenticity, so you’re not going to worry that the house is perfectly clean, and you’re not going to worry about sculpting sheep out of cauliflower.
It’s special events like this that inevitably make your house feel more like a home.
And one day, when you move, the thought of this first or second or third birthday party will flash through the movie reel in your head of fond memories and love of this house.
Simple, but meaningful.
If you still aren’t convinced, if you still think that failing to deliver a Pinterest-y birthday party for your kid means you’re ruining your child: Steve Jobs, President Lincoln, Mark Twain and myself did not have elaborate 1st birthday parties.
And they all turned out pretty great.
Sarah I love this! I have thought all the exact same things. I don’t even think we bought presents for either one of our kids on their first birthdays because they get so much stuff from others. I have long gotten over stressing myself out even for my oldest, they just love doing stuff with their friends.
Glad you liked it Mar! And so happy to know that I’m not alone. It can feel like a lonely place sometimes when you’re not stressing over birthdays! I hope you and your two cuties are well!
I agree with your thoughts on birthdays. It is funny how we changed over the years. With our first child (age 5) we have given parties for her 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th. Nothing elaborate but still a lot of work on my part involved, and a lot of presents which were not necessarily welcome at hour house (character toys, clothes, plastics… ). We gave up the idea of party last year when she turned 5, and just invited her best friend, and had a cake. With our second child, (age1) we did not even plan a party, but had cupcakes at one of our regular playdates. Did they (especially my 5 year old) complain? Not at all. The criticism came from family members who “did not get invited” to the party we did not have. We are again planning to have a small and intimate gathering for our oldest this year, and again cupcakes for our youngest at a playdate.
Thanks so much for the comment – I find it very interesting that the kiddos didn’t complain at all. I think most of the time we’re so worried about what the little ones will think, when really, they’re the ones that care the least!
Family can be the trickiest. Trying to navigate feelings and expectations of loved ones is often quite difficult.
Did you guys do any presents for your most recent parties? I’m always curious how others handle the topic of presents.
Glad you enjoyed the post and thank you so much for reading!
Grand parents did ask what she would like for her birthday, and I asked them if they could pitch in for some books we wanted to buy for her (press here, mixed it up, and the day crayons quit) Her best friend wanted to give her a present and we asked that it be nothing of characters toys (they know us very well, so they did not mind our request). She received kinetic sand from her. She was actually thrilled with those presents. For our 1 year old, we did not do presents. I made her a dress, and so did my mother. So she received two new homemade dresses. :)
Those are GREAT books. And I love that sand. Homemade dresses – that is amazing. I wish I could sew!
Hi Sarah and Chris,
I love this post. Thanks very much. I completely agree. I may not have needed convincing because I am already on board but it always nice to confirm that other people out there think the same way. I have so few people that share my opinion that I really appreciate reading it. I just see all that guff as time you are not spending with your children, or not spending with your husband or not investing in myself and my own wish for calm. We all have the same 24 hours a day to work with.
I want to raise my children with a very strong base of aiming to live their lives in line with their priorities. That this will involve (1) being aware of what they truly value, (2) accept that it may be different from what other people want or what other people are telling them they should want and (3) accept that it means not doing everything. If you live your life in that way then everything you do and everything you miss out on are both reflections of what you truly value.
I listened to those stories you create and they are fantastic. I didn’t end up signing up though because we live in Australia and my son is already getting conflicted messages on what things are called and how to pronounce things. He gets quite frustrated when we try to explain it to him.
Thanks,
Emily
ps could you please change your subscription emails so the email has the full article?
I like to keep articles that particularly resonate with me in one of my email folders and partial articles aren’t as useful. I subscribe to both ‘be more with less’ and ‘becoming minimalist’ and they email the whole article. So it can’t annoy people too much. If that is the reason you don’t send the full article.
Thanks again,
Emily
Emily,
I too have so few people that share my opinion so I really, really appreciate you writing. I wish we lived closer so we could hang out!
I totally understand not wanting to confuse your son.
I myself have lived abroad several times, at one point living in Spain for two years. When I came back I taught bilingual 2nd grade but to Mexicans, while dating an Argentine – so I definitely understand the confusion that can start regarding pronunciation and what to call things!
I love the priorities you have set out for your children. Those are absolutely wonderful.
Do you think where you live makes it easier or harder to live with those priorities in mind? Just a question I’ve been thinking a lot about lately.
Thanks again for the comment – hope to chat more!
Hi Sarah,
Sorry I did actually reply ages ago and it wasn’t submitted properly.
I don’t think locality matters as much as what a person goes through. Sometimes someone can have a reflection on what’s important to them because or travelling or illness or because that is the way they are. I think illness in themselves or someone they see is the most common reason why people start question everything. Sometimes travel has the same effect and I think in the small amount of travelling I have done that this was the greatest thing about it.
I had never heard the term “Mommy Wars” until I became a parent a year ago, but I have steered WAY clear of that drama. So much so that I don’t even have a Facebook and Pinterest anymore. It is so freeing! And I hate crafts…despise them.
I love everything about this post. Realizing this need for simplicity and wanting it to be meaningful for my girl down the road, I hung a banner that a girlfriend made me for a baby shower with my baby’s name on it (that we also hung in the hospital room) and every guest took a picture with my girl underneath the banner. I then had every guest sign a book for her in which they wrote a wish for her or a prayer for life or even a funny sentiment. They could write anything to her. I then printed the pictures and placed the guest picture with their note. Now, 10 years down the road when my girl understands what is going on and have relationships with these people then she can read their words to her on her first birthday.
Forgot to mention that the guests were only family and close friends…those who will most likely be in her life years from now.
The guests and we loved it so much we plan to do it for our second. Stress free and meaningful!
Again, thanks for this post!
Thanks so much for your comment Erin. Glad you enjoyed the post.
I completely agree with you – I had never heard or experienced anything even close to “Mommy wars” until I was a parent. It’s CRAZY.
I love, love, love your idea for your daughter’s guest book. She will LOVE that. So meaningful, and so simple.
Do you have a second child already? We have our 3rd on the way and I’m looking forward to continuing the simplicity.
Thanks again for reading and for commenting. I would love to hear more about how you keep things simple!