The Real Reason for Screen Free Week (it’s not what you think)

As I was eating lunch with my four year old boys yesterday one of them asked me what gnats eat.

I had to admit I didn’t really know.

My first instinct was of course to reach for my phone and look up the answer, but as our dining table is a screen free zone my phone was across the kitchen on the counter.

I was shocked at how uncomfortable I felt having to sit there not knowing the answer.

I could hazard a guess, which I did, but I felt a feeling of unease and anxiety bubbling up just knowing that feet away was the answer, but that I was restrained from getting it.

For whatever reason, we live in a world that encourages and celebrates excess.

We don’t much like the idea of restraining ourselves.

It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about adults, toddlers, or ages in-between.

If we can talk about it, post about, take a picture of it, watch a video about it, we’re probably going to do it.

And feel encouraged in doing so.

This week is Screen-Free Week.  A time for “children, families, and communities around the world will rediscover the joys of life beyond the screen.”

The danger in having a blog and business like we do lies in the fact that it’s easy to point out the hypocrisies of the author.  So let’s go ahead and get this out of the way – we are not going screen-free this week.  I am not here to throw stones or to talk down the dangers of technology overuse.

I instead think Screen Free Week offers us all a chance to:

1. Explore our personal capacities for restraint and

2. Flesh out or update our “why’s” behind our “how’s” of technology use.

I could give you a list of activities to entertain and sustain yourself through during Screen-Free week, but I think that would be selling you short.

Activities only cover the how’s, not the why’s.

When the boys asked Chris the other day how wolves became dogs, I listened as he wonderfully explained in a very patient, easily digestible way, the mechanisms of natural evolution and animal husbandry.

Not an easy concept to boil down for toddlers, but he did it.  And did it well.

And the boys were satisfied.

They had enough information.

I, however, found myself wanting to explain more, draw diagrams, show them a quick video, check out some books from the library, maybe find a felt board or some puppets to help illustrate the concept.

Sometimes when I have a question I seek way too much information.

Last week I was wondering how to make “ice cream cone” cookies.  Cookies that are in a cookbook I own.  It would seem the logical thing to do would be to follow the recipe, use the included photo as a guide and just see what happens.

But instead I found myself online trying to deduce which icing worked the best, which sprinkles stuck well, varying opinions on the right kind of cookie cutter to use (who knew there are over 100 types of ice cream cone cookie cutters?!)

Then it hit me, just because we CAN access all kinds of information doesn’t mean we SHOULD, or that we NEED to.

Why do I feel so compelled to intake all this information?

Where was the restraint?

I wouldn’t normally give my toddlers sixteen resources when they ask why plants don’t sleep.  Why would I do the same to myself?

In our “never enough” culture, the question shouldn’t be so much “are you using technology and access to information the ‘right’ way” as it should be “why are you using technology and information the way you are?”

Are you using technology and information the way you want your child to grow up to use it?

We are all looking for the exact right number of hours that is right for a kid to watch TV, or play on an iPad or whether our teenagers should have phones.

We don’t like the uncertainty of not knowing these answers.  We’re confused by the experts, and it’s all happening so fast it’s hard to keep up.

The thing is, no one knows these answers.

Not me, not Chris, no parenting or family expert.

What we do know, is that how we engage with the world is the strongest predictor of how our kids will engage with theirs.

Sometimes values are handed down in very subtle ways.

If my boys see me on my phone all throughout dinner, what is that saying to them?

If I can’t make a recipe with them without Googling more information on the computer, what is that saying to them?

Everyone has their opinion on technology use in regard to family life.

What is important is not the choices we or other families make, but that we stop and consider the intention behind why we are making those choices.

When Chris and I make a decision about something, we think about it, talk about it, and make the best decision we can in regard to what we value.

There are a million ways to be an engaged, intentional parent.

The key is that you are thinking about it.

Screen-free week is an excellent opportunity to revisit the why’s behind the relationships your family has with the TV, phones, iPads, etc.

It’s an excellent opportunity to start a conversation about what “enough” is, what kind of restraint you as a parent want to model, and a starting point for kids to be a part of the conversation if they aren’t already.

So now it’s your turn.

Are you and your family participating in screen-free week?  Do you struggle with technology use as a parent, an adult, or do you have a good relationship with screens in the house?

Let us know in the comments below.