We Are Parents Who

The day of the sonogram finally arrived.

Sarah and I held hands, held our breath, held our unblinking eyes on the monitor.

The technician muttered, “Well you already know you’re having twins, right?”

She couldn’t have said what I just heard her say, I thought. This must be a sonogram technician joke, I thought, just laugh.

“Ha good one, you got me there” I said.

Her face turned pink. “Oh, you don’t know yet! Er, congratulations you’re having twins!”

Later we stood in the kitchen of our little apartment after finishing all the phone calls to family and friends. Sarah took a deep breath and smiled at me.

“Chris, how are we going to do this?”

 

Parents Who Struggle

I believed, for a while at least, that we were successfully answering Sarah’s question a little bit each day.

We were blessed with loving family and friends to help us out. I got some lucky breaks in my career at the right time. We got a decent mortgage on a decent house in a decent neighborhood.

And the twins were tiny miracles of health and joy, the best Buddies we could ask for. But soon enough, I began to notice some disturbing cracks in the cultural foundation upon which we were building our family.

More money and more responsibilities at work meant significantly less time to spend with Sarah and the Buddies.

I saw more experienced workers in my company spending even longer hours at the office than I did.

We were keeping up with living expenses, at best. More income did not equal more money in the bank.

The Buddies came home from Mother’s Day Out one day asking to watch a violent TV show.

Our friends with young children began touting the power of the iPad to teach their children.

Screens slowly creeped into the Buddies daily routine despite our best efforts.

I accepted a promotion at a different company. With it came more money and responsibility.

Also,  a 2 hour commute every day through traffic like clogged arteries.

Somehow it still seemed we had no surplus money in the bank.

Days transformed into a halogen-lit,  air-conditioned blur.

12 hrs spent sitting in different size boxes each day.

Looking at screens.  Seeing each other even less.

Talking to each other late into the night.

About what could be missing.

 

Parents Who Realize

I went camping alone in the woods by a lake on my birthday.

What I really wanted was to get away from my phone, from the emails.  Away from a family I felt like I was constantly failing for lack of energy, for lack of focus, for lack of presence.

I had my very own “Eureka moment” when I felt an invisible weight slide off of my shoulders as I sat by the lake tossing rocks into the water.

I spent my time in silence that weekend looking at the trees rustle in the breeze, feeling the crunch of twigs under my shoes, watching a caterpillar make a long, laborious transit from one leaf to another.

I felt better than I had in weeks, in months, in a year.

At about the same time, Sarah was struggling to figure out how to get out of the house (aka “baby jail”).  How to buy milk without having to physically load up two kids and haul them into the grocery store.

She was feeling overwhelmed and confused.  Her anxiety levels were rising as she read more and heard more about how she “should” be raising her kids.

So she did the unthinkable. She signed off of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest and started unsubscribing to her Groupon, Zulily and Moms of Multiples emails.

It was an epiphany. Into the new vacuum she created rushed silence, peace of mind, her own intuitive voice.

She was able to start envisioning what she wanted her family life to look like.  The ways she wanted to raise and influence her kids.

We decided it was time to rethink everything.

We started with asking ourselves some questions:

Are we doing the best we can for the Buddies?

Are we doing the best we can for our marriage?

Are we doing the best we can to build the future that we actually want?

 

Parents Who Search

We began looking everywhere for answers to new questions. We started by turning to conventional wisdom.

But, following conventional wisdom is how we ended up with expensive degrees, credit card debt, trading time for money, addictions to unhealthy food, addictions to constant distractions and addictions to needing more and newer and shinier clutter.

The conventional wisdom of mainstream culture wasn’t going to take us where we wanted to go.

So we started exploring the alternatives. We made lists. We took notes. We talked to people. We kept an open mind. We withheld judgement. We made changes. We tried new things. We forgave our missteps.

We set out, tentatively, on a road less traveled.

“Dada I don’t yike this green one,” Mr. B proclaimed at dinner one evening, prodding a pile of edamame with his fork.

“Dada, why can’t we watch a show?” Mr. C begged one Saturday morning.

“Dada, I yike this toy can I have it, pleeeeeease?” Mr. B begged at the store.

Introducing new creative activities to do with the Buddies was draining. Beginning an exercise regimen felt impossible.

Better food was expensive, eliminating distraction led to boredom, sticking to a budget was difficult.

We met the challenge of resistance at every turn. We began to view the inevitable appearance of resistance as a sure sign.

A sure sign we were on the right track.

 

Parents Who Take Action Today

Today marks the launch of our site, Parents Who.  This post is a culmination of many days and weeks and months and years of soul-searching and debates and research and effort.

It’s a step toward progress, not perfection. We will improve as we go. We will always be guided by a commitment we make to our family and to yours.

That commitment is to make sure our content, products, services and mission constantly remain focused on one important goal:

To enhance the quality time you spend with your family.

When you join us on this journey, please offer your voice and your gifts for the benefit of of us all in the comments section. As they say, it takes a village.

Please be the first (or second, or third!) person to leave us a comment on our very first blog post ever.

I also invite you to take bold action right now that costs zero dollars but delivers fresh ideas and proven strategies to your inbox.

Enter your email address in the sidebar or just click HERE to begin receiving the Parents Who Fresh Ideas Newsletter each week.

Finally, if you read the above invitations and thought, “Thanks, but no thanks.” Then I invite you to please take the following step instead.

Please take a little time today to tell a member of your family how much you love them.

Tell them how much they mean to you, how much you’re grateful and glad to be their Father, Sister, Mother, Son, Brother, Husband, Wife, Partner, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Cousin, Step-Brother, Aunt, or Granddaughter.

No website can deliver the value you can personally deliver today, right this minute, to somebody you love.

Tomorrow is a strong possibility, never a certainty.

Don’t wait until tomorrow to tell someone how much they mean to you.

Thank you for joining us on our journey, and we look forward to personally connecting with you soon!